_

Vance Gilbert

(whole grain) bits and pieces

Whole Grain Pringles just seems wrong to me. I don't buy Pringles for their whole grain-ness.

Reminds me of a vegetarian restaurant I played at in the 80's where the chef kept trying to push a vegan barbecue pork chop on me. "It taste just like I pork chop... really it does...Try it. You gotta try it...You'll love it... Just like a pork chop..." He went on and on. I finally politely told him that if I wanted to have a barbecue pork chop, I'd go somewhere and just have a real barbecue pork chop. Why didn't he try to push the bulgar soup, or the cous cous with cilantro? Maybe he thought that if the pork chop passes muster with the likes of me, well then by golly he's surely arrived...Oh dear. I'm seeing profiling everywhere. I'm so bruised...

------------------

Why do I need HDTV? I want a good plot, not visible nose hair. Car explosions should be a little out of focus, don't you think? I love Kyra Sedgwick, but I don't need to see her pores when she's closing a case

------------------

Speaking of TV, somebody please tell J.J. Abrams that his new show, "Person Of Interest", should have an ending in his mind - NOW. Please don't meander into "it was a dreamworld" like you did with "Lost" or into into "I'm too busy with filming Mission Impossible world" like you did with "Alias". Write the end to the frickin show and script backwards to today, thank you...

------------------

Is my life so sad that I actually begin to judge the benevolence of my day by whether my dogs do #2 at the same time during my run so that I can gather both poops with the same plastic bag? That's expedient, and green, you'd have to admit, but really?

-----------------

Please tell me why someone would leave me an important message on that Facebook e-mail thingy when they have my real e-mail address? Then get mad that I'm ignoring them?

-----------------

Serena.

Sam Stosur thrashed you soundly at this year's US Open, on September 11th, 2011. Again, however, you prove to be an embarrassment as a sportsperson.

You shouted out distractingly during a point as your opponent was about to hit the ball, then you chastised the referee for awarding your opponent that point, which, by the way was the appropriate sanction according to USTA rules, showing that you didn't even know the rules of the game you make millions playing. Your subsequent referee chastisement was a 3 minute crucifying spectacle, embarrassingly personal, just shy of the felonious aggression you showed two years earlier on the same court. You audibly accused this ref of being the same one that had "screwed" you then, and for the record, she was not the same one. You basically sucked the life out of the stadium.

You sucked the life out of the stadium, in New York no less, on a day when when US pride and solemnity were at a co-peak in every heart. You sucked the life out of the stadium when we needed something to cheer about - a win, yeah that would have been great, at least a valiant attempt would have been fine too, but at very least show of great sportsmanship - and oh, we would have cheered, and we did for a moment, but it was half-hearted. We were embarrassed for your subsequent fist pumping, because, you know what? ...we really didn't believe any of your enthusiasm after that display.

You screwed your own comeback story, showing that you apparently hadn't learned a thing about being a sportsperson during your year off.

Lastly, you stole from Sam Stosur a great portion of what is probably the greatest day of her life.

You will go down in the history books as probably the greatest female tennis player that ever was. Maybe the history books will be kind to your egregious behavior as they are kind to John McEnroe, Jimmy Connors, and Ted Williams.

But on Sept 11th 2011, you were a horribly thoughtless, ill tempered, representative of America on a day when we needed you most, and you made just shy of a million dollars doing it.

--------------

Speaking of sports, remind me never to bother talking intelligently on an AM sports program about anything that has to do with real life stuff. In an interview with one pair of apparent knuckledraggers on Boston AM radio concerning my recent debacle with United Airlines, one of the geniuses, in an effort to debunk my claim of racial profiling, says:

"How can you claim racial profiling??...In profiling, they target Middle Eastern people - And you're African American!!"

Maybe these guys and Serena can start their own airline.
Share on Tumblr

updated: 6 years ago