Officer,
No, it’s not exactly how I found him
When I woke up his arm was
Draped across my chest
He was cold and getting colder
And I had to get him off me
That’s when I rolled him over
And called the front desk
I rolled him over
And called the front desk

Officer,
No I’m not trying to be a smart-ass
Sometimes he really did do nothin’
But just lie there in the dark
And hold my hand
He’d still pay me so I never asked no questions
Maybe he liked the quiet
Who was I to understand?
Who was I to even try to understand

If they’re generous on the 31st
You might make some extra pay
I’m not much into the holidays
To me it’s just another workin’ day
But he’s nicer than the most I do
And usually I don’t stay
The night, but in the morning
He takes me downstairs
They got this great big buffet with
Pancakes and Canadian bacon!!

Officer,
Is there anyway to keep my name
Out of this report?
No, it’s not about me trying to save my own skin
I got a rap sheet to beat the band
And one more bust  
Don’t amount to nothing but
Some fingerprints, a phone call
And a few days in the pen
I get a phone call
And a few days in the pen

Officer,
See he’s got a wife and a baby
I know, cause he showed me a picture
By the neon window curtain light
And I figure what’s the sense
Of breaking their hearts two times over?
Ain’t it enough on them that his up and stopped
In the middle of the night?
His up an stopped
In the middle of the night

They get generous on the 31st
You might make some extra pay
I’m not big on resolutions
But hey, Officer you realize it’s New Years
Officially right now?
Well, Happy New Years to you too Sir,

Officer,
I know you got a job to do
Hell, I’m a working girl too
And I give nothin' up for free
But I tell you what…
You take me downstairs for breakfast
And we’ll call this one even steven
As for him, this one is on me

Vance - guitar, vocal
Billy Novick - clarinet