Congratulations
On having
A child of your own.
Thunderous applause
Sighs of relief
From the folks at home.
You can fool mom and dad
But you can’t fool that
Big empty bed

Better run to that baby
She’s crying out loud
She’s too young for words
But you swear that it sounds like

No one can love you
Like Mary
Goodbye to the dream
Of a good man

Here’s where you prove to the world
That it’s all apple pie
But at the end of the day
Front door slams as you try
To explain to your child
Why nobody stays.
There goes another helpless man
Who can’t live up to the legend
So he just drives away

Dashboard radio
Getting harder to hear
Half block away
Still ringing in your ears, singing

(Chorus)

They ain’t getting
Any younger back home
And they’re filled with suspicion
You don’t come to Christmas
Never mind explanation
They’d never understand
How your heart broke in half
And it aint for a man

Now that the child is half grown
She’s out to break your heart
With some brand new skills
Sippy cups, ribbons and bows make way for
Jack Daniels, needles, and pills
After one particular knock down drag out fight
She’s out the back door
Where she goes for the kill

Over the wheels squeal
As she peels out the lot
She rolls down the window
For one parting shot, she says
(chorus)

Vance - guitar, vocal
Billy Novick - bass clarinet, alto & soprano sax