When: Monday, Mar 3rd 7:30PM ET

Where: https://youtube.com/live/jgyRlPgoeKQ?feature=share

Who gets 10%: https://www.foodlinkma.org I know I’m doubling down as it was last week’s too. But the story below...you’ll see why.

http://paypal.me/vancevancevance  or
https://venmo.com/vancevancevance  or
VanceFunder P.O. Box 17, Arlington, MA 02476

3/9 Woodstock, NY - https://www.colonywoodstock.com/shows  w/my hero Dean Friedman - I open!

*PRIVATE COACHING AVAILABLE - Contact me (vance@vancegilbert.com) for songwriting, performance, and voice coaching.*

**CUSTOM SONGS - Expensive, but sure, you want one about you or your family or something.**

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SHOPPING

I.
At the cart corral at Trader Joe’s, there stood a young white woman in a coat and a scarf covering her neck and mouth brandishing a sign saying “MONEY FOR FOOD. 3 KIDS. BLESS YOU”. I nodded to her as I went by, she nodded back.

All the things went thru my head. All the things. All of them. “Is this for drugs? What kids? How dare I judge? Poor thing. Is this a scam? What’s wrong with people? What’s wrong with our country? Bootstraps...” and the final thought was “Whatever is going on here, my day is more secure than hers”. I turned my cart around and went back and handed her a $5 bill. She thanked me in what I’m pretty sure was an East European or Russian accent. “Good luck” I replied.

II.
I’m in the store and I had just put mild salsa in my crate and I headed to checkout, and there she was, basket with food in it. The things went thru my head again “Well what’s she buying with my mon--” and I filled my chest with pre-words-air, I turned to her, and what came out was “May I buy that basket of food for you?”

“No, I’m set now. Thank you very much”.

III.
"Would you like tape around the eggs?” the 60-plus woman bagging at checkout asked. After what I had just payed at this Whole Foods for these organic chicken ovums, “Yes Ma’am” I replied, and immediately regretted it. Damn. Ma’am? Really? Is it 2025 yet?

She looked at me and smiled. I sagged. “Sorry. That was..."

“It’s really just fine. I’m sure I have years on you - I’m just this side of 80, and, well, you were raised a certain way, weren’t you?”

This Glenn Close-looking nearly-octogenarian’s smile lingered just a bit longer than not.

“Yes and I meant no disrespect...” What’s the first rule of holes? When you’re in one, stop digging? My dumb-ass doubled down:
“...There was a time when you would have been referred to as an “Elder Hottie”.

As I headed my sexist, uncontrolled-mouthed, and as previously stated dumb, shorts-wearing and a coat because I had jogged like I do 5 days a week before shopping plus I have a nice face to match these actually pretty shapey legs even though the rest of my body is built like a hoagie-ass thru the sliding doors she shouted across the store:

“I’ll take that. And you’re pretty hot yourself, Sir”.

Sometimes it’s a five-dollar hottie-cardiac journey to find out your heart’s in the right place...