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Vance's Final Mailing Before His Midwest Extravaganza Tour (and a love letter)

Hi All,

I’ve recently gotten heavily into the writing of country singer Chris Stapleton. If anyone knows him, please let him know that I’d like to open a show or two or something. Or be his valet. Cook. Whatever. The first of these three I’m completely serious about…

He does this so very well:

In the meantime, I have had to nudge my allegiances. Yes, I can text Grammy Winner Lori McKenna whenever I want to. Yes, I’m name dropping and bragging. She’s sung on my albums. I been over all up in at her house. But since discovering Chris Stapleton, sorry, I don’t love her like I used to:


Dearest Loopy Macadamia,

Omg. Where have I been? Dear lord please tell me that Chris Stapleton is a nice guy.
They way he stitches a song together... and he sings ok.
Omg. I want to be a hairy faced white boy.
Please accept my apologies for no longer being the Blak Lori McKenna.

(HER) Hi Hon!! How are you??? Chris is a really nice guy. Very quiet genius. His wife is my hero - one of the most beautiful women I have ever been around. If you continue to be the black male me I will try damn hard to be the white female you? Does that work?


I am NOT fickle. Just...discerning. DO NOT judge me.

2/22 Cedar Rapids, IA - THIS THURSDAY!!
2/23 Skokie, IL - SOLD OUT
2/24 Valparaiso, IN -
2/25 Ann Arbor, MI -
2/26 Traverse City, MI -

Coaching, teaching, private parties, reptile care, custom model building, doll house refurnishing, all upon request.

Peace please…