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VanceRambling and June's Shows

Hey VanceFanFriends -

Look, sometimes you just ramble on about stuff.

~ Who in their right mind would hire me as a last ditch replacement for a bar mitzvah? Anyone who wanted old pop and jazz standards as background music, that’s who. All fine until the old guy who was quietly singing along in appreciation came up and whispered in my ear, “Do you do any Israeli music? Kids love to dance to that music...I don’t know any myself, but the kids love it...”

I was afraid that maybe he was the grandfather of the bar mitzvah and maybe writing the check (I know, that’s narrow minded, but I was protecting my investment) so I played Hava Nageela making up syllables and words as I went along. Then I moved to Si Vi Vov which I believe is a Chanukah dreidel spinning song, hoping my phonetic pronunciation wasn’t calling someone’s mother a horse. Then as a slow dance jam for these kids I did Sunrise Sunset, again making up lyrics about planets, furniture, and carrying children places. Yeah right.

Those kids never ever stopped playing tag or playing games on their phones or coloring. I could have played Bach or Nirvana and it wouldn’t have mattered to them kids. The old set-killing, vibe-violating geezer left and I went back to Duke Ellington and Gershwin and Randy Newman and the bar mitzvah mom was thrilled.

~ Where were you people near Newburyport? While it was an intimate show, I haven’t sung better in a while. Jono Gray and his family came. I recall him as the 7 year old little brother of his awesome sister whom I dated off and on in and after college. He and his gorgeous wife brought their 22 and 24 year old kids, the 24 year old daughter who said “I really love your work!” Girl shush! Your grandfather could play any song - Any. Song. - with 4, 4 1/2 chords. He’d call WERS when I was on live, when they actually played folk music, and request tunes. He was a Musical God and gave me so much of the confidence I tote around that many probably mistake for arrogance. Screw them, and thank you, Pete Gray. Your 47 year old baby boy has done well.

~ How does Stephen Curry do what he does from 3-point land?

~ I want: Federer’s backhand and volleys, Gael Monfils speed, Serena’s serve, Del Potro’s forehand. I’d be complete.

~ Why don’t I have an ass? Am I the only Black man in America without an ass? Must my pants always fit like this?

~ Mike Posner is currently not recording any of my songs. Dang. Unfamiliar Moon, Pie & Whiskey, and Good, Good Man will be pitched elsewhere...

~ List of people potentially playing on my next album - Tommy Malone (Subdudes), Chris Smither (and his foot), Abbie Gardner (Red Molly), Herb Gardner (yep, her dad). I’ll come begging for money later in the summer...

~ Why do I cry at Pitbulls and Parolees?

~ Look, I get it. I’m old, Black. No matter how hard I work, genetics makes it so that there’s going to be drug stuff I simply have to take. Dear Gracious For The Love Of Shit why does Xarelto have to be shaped like a Chinese Throwing Death Star? Who’s idea was that? Why do I have to take something that both anti-coagulates my blood and was thrown at me by Jackie Chan?

There. Here’s shows.

6/9 & 6/10 - Bellows Falls, VT - Roots On The River Festival

6/16 - Columbia MD - UUCC One World Coffeehouse

6/17 - Vienna VA

6/29 - Wilmington DE - Olympia @ The Queen
w/Ellis Paul

6/30 - Beacon, NY - Towne Crier
w/Ellis Paul

Coaching, private parties, Standard Poodle whisperer, just call.